I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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