is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
