Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize