I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
