Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
