so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
