please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
