that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
