Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
