I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
