omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
