So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
