I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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