So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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