meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i think i have two assholes
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
