She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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