Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
