Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
