totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
