around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
