dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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