Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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