Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
