Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
