wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
