just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?â€
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
