i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
