you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
