the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
