Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
