There was a lot of him and a little penis
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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