Are we in a gay sports bar?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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