even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
