I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize