I want to have your abortion
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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