I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
