May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize