Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
