Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
