Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
