do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
