I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
