If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
