Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
