just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
