I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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