I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
