I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The air was thick with penises
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
