Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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