Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
