I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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