Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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