So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
