woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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