I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
