I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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