I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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