If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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