i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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