If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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