he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He better not be in your backpack
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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