I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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