i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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