Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
