so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I can't put those talents on a resume
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
