you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My ATM looks so different sober.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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