my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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