dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
