Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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